Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Kate Gosselin, Reading Between the Lines


The AP or Associated Press released this story today. I found it a little hard to follow, so I added some translations!

Kate Gosselin, co-star of TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” says it’s difficult reading stories about herself. I don’t believe this for a second.

If she read any of the stories about her and her family, why does she believe that people like her hair or her Orange tan? Did she get a life time supply of QT lotion as one of her free promotions?

Recent media reports have focused a harsh spotlight on Kate and her husband, Jon, who star with their eight children on the popular reality show. In recent days, the Gosselins’ wholesome on-screen home life has been called into question by reports of extramarital affairs. Both Jon and Kate have denied those accusations.

Let me to translate this for you. Here a while back, Jon got busted! He tried to lie his way out of it until the ho’s brother came forward and admitted that he was sick of hearing the two of them having sex through the paper thin walls at their place. No one could understand why Kate hadn’t beat her up whooped her ass or why Jon hadn’t been on the show with a black eye. Well come to find out, Kate has been having relations playing spank the monkey with the families body guard booty guard. that explains a whole lot!

“This is certainly not what I envisioned I was signing up for,” Kate Gosselin said Wednesday during an appearance at the Frauenthal Center, The Muskegon Chronicle reported.

Translation: I never though I would get caught!

“When I see magazines in stores it’s really difficult. It amazes me there is an industry that follows you around and writes stories about you.

“It destroys peoples’ lives. I need you to know, don’t believe what you read unless you hear it from that person.”

Translation: I never read the stuff people say about us or I would have had my hair redone a long time go. But I honestly believe that that I have enough money now that I can lie my way out of it. Also now that the dogs are getting bigger I can send them to attack school so they can keep away the paparazzi.

On its Web site, Us Weekly recently described an over-friendly relationship between Gosselin and her married bodyguard, Steve Neild, that “caught the attention of her husband — and has become the talk of many locals” in their Pennsylvania community.

People magazine’s Web site quoted Gosselin as saying the couple have been struggling for months.

What? No one would have ever have guessed with the way they now sit on opposite sides of the interview couch! And the love taps are GONE!

“This week I’m on the cover of four magazines. One is true, three are not,” Kate told her audience.

Translation: I’m on 3 magazines his month. I’m almost as popular as Oprah! I wonder if she will give me my own talk show!!!

The Gosselins are on the cover of People, Us Weekly, Star and National Enquirer. She described People’s reporting as the most accurate.

Heaven forbid if anyone were to believe the National Enquirer. Her article will be right between “I had Big Foots Baby” and ” Elvis Has Been Seen on Mars “!

She has previously denied having an affair with Neild. Jon Gosselin has denied cheating with a 23-year-old schoolteacher, and he has apologized for putting his family in an “awkward position.”

I wonder if he was referring to his family or did he have the teacher he is sleeping with in an awkward position? I wonder?

Kate Gosselin said the stop in Muskegon, located about 35 miles northwest of Grand Rapids, was the last on her travel schedule for a while. She said she plans to spend more time at home.

Translation: Everyone is catching on to the fact that I am never at home. So I better get my ass home and take care of my kids so my Butler, Cook and Nanny can have a day off and people can think that I’m taking care of my children.

“The last couple weeks have been interesting,” she said. “I had to address that.”
TLC’s most popular series, which has been on the air for four seasons, attracts an average audience of more than 2.8 million viewers.

The new, 40-week season premieres May 25 with an hourlong edition

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